Repeat After Me-

Some things I need to remind myself of -

Buying people things- does no make them like/ love you more. They like you or love you or do neither because of who you are. Buying things will not change anything- and quite often things given will be forgotten quickly-

Most people are inherantly selfish/ self-absorbed/ self-centred. I do not want to live my life that way, if I can chose- but for most people, their life and happiness is all that counts.

My body needs whole foods, some dairy, fruits and vegetables,protein and lot of water. Desserts/ sugars/ sweets do not help the body function.

Having a stocked fridge is not necessarily a sign you're ok financially. Having enough to eat is all you need- stockpilng is not needed if you have money in the bank.

Alone does not mean lonely. Most people cannot stand to be alone- alone does not mean "loser" does not mean you're not loved. Alone is temporary.

Do IT today. Stop losing yourself in meaningless tasks.

Get out- even doing things by yourself is better for you than staying at home. Force yourself to meet people, go and do things and challenge yourself more.

Bills first, and save for other things that are important. Debt free by 43rd Birthday!

Judge less. Love more. Accept the things I cannot change. or at least try . . .

FREE HUGS - Don't be Afraid

So by now, most people have seen the "Free Hugs" Campaign video(s) on YouTube. Well- I think this is an awesome idea and it has been a long time coming! Europeans have been doing the double-kiss greeting for years. It has even caught on a bit here in North America- moreso in Canada I believe- especially in Quebec! Personally, I think this is a great thing.

Human contact is one of the necessities of a fulfilled life. A strong, full-embrace, warm hug, - well there's just nothing better. It's the physical way of saying "I'll protect you" Hi, I care", "Really nice to see you", "I've missed you" "I love you". Wow! One gesture can be such a positive thing!

It would be nice to see people, especially guys get over the fact that this is not a sexual advance, it should not threaten their sexuality- it is human contact- between friends, acuaintances, family and yes, of course, lovers too. Hug someone. You'll be glad you did. One hug, like a picture, can be worth 1000 words.

Remember- Something as simple as a hug can change somone's day. I Dare you!!

Some New Important Quotes- to get Us Thinking

If a friend misses your birthday - do you let that upset you - or should you love the friend unconditionally and accept their faults along with their good qualities?

This is what I am looking for- someone to wrap their arms around me- comfort me, tell me everything will be ok and make me smile from ear to ear-

"Misfortne shows those who are not really friends" - Aristotle

Do you have friends who are always there when there's a party going on- or it's the weekend and you have a cottage? - or you want to do something you love- and don't want to do it alone- so you call someone you know who will want to do it too? There's a big difference between these people and someone who can sense when you've had a bad day and ask how you are- and then listen. Friends are people you can trust to help you out- or will give you advice that you know comes from the heart- even if you do not want to hear it. A Real Friend knows that friendship is a 2-way street, that both must help and support, both must make an effort, but can share the wonder that is friendship [unconditional love].

So here's a question-

"What do you do IF you feel you have a friend you cannot always count on- or who can make you feel alone or who is a friend when it is convenient to them. What then? People do not easily change- so do you hope things will get better or do you move on and cherish what you did enjoy from the friendship? Comments please.

If I Had Control- I Would

• make sure children took a class in school entitled "Friendship 101". Classes would include things like / simple ways to make people feel loved and respected/ how to make time for others/ how to judge less and be empathetic/ how to offer help without demeaning/ how to have equality in a friendship/ how to listen [and hear everything] / how to use physical contact to show care and concern/


• make sure young adults took another class entitled "Personal Finances- The Future is Yours to Determine" including such lectures as / Money is a head, not heart issue/ Shopping is not a coping strategy/ Shopping is not Entertainment/ Generosity starts at Home/ Pay yourself first! /


• ask that Manners be emphasized more in day to day life. Showing respect for others- whether they have earned it or not- is necessary for communities to work. Simple things like holding the door for someone, saying Hello while passing on the street, thanking someone for going out of their way to make your life better- even if it is as simple as letting you merge into traffic or putting $.25 in your parking meter. Better yet, teach people that saying "Sorry" when they have hurt someone or made a mistake or whatever it is. Saying sorry and genuinely meaning it can improve so many relationships and does not have to hurt the pride of the person saying it. Say it- and mean it and watch your relationships improve because of it.
  

* I will add more to this list as I get my thoughts in order. Bear with me- I am sure there are lots more.

Disappointed- What Cheers Me Up???

Well- I've had a few days recently where I've been a bit disappointed in the world. I guess the world itself is not the problem- and I get mad at myself for allowing certain things that I cannot change to bother me. I hate that my happiness depends on someone else- I KNOW this should NOT be the case. I close all e-mails with "Happiness Depends on Us!" and here I am falling victim to being upset because someone close to me always seems to have the control. I'm not even sure I am explaining this well- but it's tough one.

Anyways- more on that later- for now I am going to post some pictures that make me happy. If any of the pictures posted makes you feel happy or speaks to you in some way, please feel free to comment!

Ok, so now looking at the pictures I have chosen to post - I realize how crazy and strange the mix is! Any of you who have been following along [and I have 1 follower officially- which is okay as I never intended for this to be public] will know that beaches, sun, sand, waves etc. all make me happy. So, of course some of the pics show those things.

I coach for a living- something I love on most days- something that has been good to me in many ways- but something I would definitely caution people about. Anyways, I do have much respect for athletes in general- but gymnasts, divers, dancers in particular. I cannot believe the bounds that people can push and the artistry that is portrayed when watching these athletes. There are a couple of pictures showing athleticism- one of a diver- the other of a gymnast just walking on a beach. Even in something as simple as that- there is real beauty.

Finally, a pet peeve of mine . . . I tend to get discouraged when I see people who seem to feel they are the exceptions, they are more entitled than others or that rules just don't apply to them. I hate it when people park in handicapped spaces when they are fully capable of walking the extra even 50 feet to go shop. People who park in the "No parking- Tow Away Zone" right in front of a store irk me even more- seriously- what if everyone decided they were going to do that?? No one would be able to get into the place- I just do not get it- anyways- so I posted the sign- which I would LOVE to actually see posted- just to make people think a bit more- unfortunately I think it is the people doing this that would not think it even applies to them- they are so self-absorbed.

Ok- so not sure I am any happier now after that last rant- hmm- maybe I'll look for more. Let me know what you think . . .

Been Ages- Why start again?

Well- as I look back- it has been a long long time since I last took the time to write my thoughts down. I guess it makes sense- in some ways. Summer is always a busy time- and an enjoyable time for me- so it was better spent out at the beach or, of course, getting ready to move, moving and cleaning up after the move- YIPPEE! That was total sarcasm by the way. Moving sucks- no matter how you look at it-

But, having said that, I am quite happy with my new place. Though it is not how I would like it to be, I can see it has potential. It's a small place- some character- and it is all mine- which I think is the main thing. Watch for future updates on my place- as they become available.

So much has happened in the past 9 months. I will try and post some of the things I have been up to- I can imagine headings like these . . . . Another Side of Hamilton, My Favorite Place, Portugal on My Mind, On Swimming, I Deserve More, Why Is It so Hard to Say Sorry?, How Will I retire, Look Inside First, Neighbours, Happiness Depends on Me, My Goals at This Time, St. Petersburg Russia in November, World Championships- Who Could Have Seen This Coming?, Friends Across the World, and I am sure there will be many more . . .

More Awesome Facts About the Human Body- some new stuff- Did you know?

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born
-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

Is it Summer Yet?

So- it's January, it's dull and grey, snow sits on the ground getting darker all the time. The sunlight, when it's out is crisp and clean and it reminds me of summer- except for the bitter cold. I would give just about anything to be lying on a hot, white-sand beach right about now. Sun beating down from 7am til past 9 in the evening. Warmth that goes right through you instead of cold that hangs on in your feet and fingers. Lying in the heat, skin turning bronze and sipping drinks for a bit of relief.

How To Assess A Life-

How does one assess their life? Were you successful? Does it matter how many people show up at your funeral or how many friends you have on Facebook? How many lives have you touched? Do you have a legacy that will carry on? - and does that matter so long as you've paid some positive things forward, so that others can do the same?

Well, as a gay man who does not now see himself having shildren of my own, I know that my family name will not carry on except through my brothers and their families. I do think that I would have made a good parent- likely one of those slightly over-protective but very caring parents. I have to say that if there's one thing that I do not understand in this day and age, is how people have kids who do not really seem to be interested in helping their kids become great people and positive citizens of the world. I know that sounds lofty, but today it is a relatively easy thing to do. Open the world up to them and let them know about the endless possibilities are for them.

Who Loves You?

It's a great question- and one that is rather important. Of course, many people throw that word around quite easily. They sign every note or letter, "Love ya, whomever" but of course there are varying degrees of love.

Who loves you - so much that they would drop everything they are doing to be with you? Who loves you enough to sacrifice for you? It doesn't always have to be a grand gesture, sometimes it's just a warm hug out of the blue. It's funny how much people need to touch. To give a hug to someone that needs one is to provide medicine to their soul. But there are people out there who do not get enough! I now understand why people have pets. Often, I think the pets are an outlet to love. I think there are people who have pets for their unconditional love. No matter how bad their day was or how bad they are feeling, they can walk in the door and be greeted by a wagging tail and a big furry hug if they need it.

I forget exactly how much the lack of touch affected the monkeys in that study done ages ago, but I know the effect was profound. It sounds funny, but I don't want to be one of those monkeys who is deprived of physical touch. I know lots of people who wouldn't miss a hand on their shoulder, or can be quite happy without that connection, but being a person who thrives on touch, being without feels a bit like living half a life.

I cannot get a dog. My lifestyle would not be fair to one, but there are times when I wish I could have one here to soften the blow of a long, hard and difficult day.

If I can make a suggestion, hug more today than usual. Think of whose day you might brighten up just by showingthem a little affection. Wrap yourself in a friend's arms and savour the moment. Sometimes they are few and far between.

Feeling Unawares . . .

Well, ever since the New Year I've been a little disoriented. My holidays were wonderful, probably the best in quite a few years. It was more relaxed and I had lots of opportunity to spend time with family, and just like old times we had a great time.

I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like I am that astronaut who was seperated from the spaceship mid-voyage and am now floating in space in no particular direction.

I have just figured out that I will have 5 days off between now and May- because of work. Work itself, I am tiring of. I used to absolutely love my job. I used to look forward to going in. Now there are so many aspects of the job I dislike or that make me unsure of myself, that I think I need a bit change and fast.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "You can't please everyone", but I have always tried very hard to do so. And, when I am unable to, it bothers me- really bothers me. The nature of this job is that not everyone will be happy and I am not confident enough right now to feel good about this.

Plus, a good friend of mine came to visit over the holidays and I thought we had an incredible, basic, but good visit. To my surprise, that was not the case. My friend, best friend I would say, came away upset with me- and was unable to tell me that for 4 or 5 days. To this day, I still do not understand what happened and it greatly upsets me. I was thinking our relationship was moving on to an even more mature relationship, but one of importance and now apparently that has changed. I still go to bed every night lately quite upset and unhappy.

I have always loved to have plans to look forward to- whether it be a trip, a new adventure of some kind and I feel I am at a stand still- a fork in the road and I'm not sure what road to take. Actually, I'm not even sure I want to follow a road.

I think I need some big change. What would make me truly happy? I need to stop thinking so much about what I can do for others to help them or make their lives happy and make myself a priority.

I am giving myself a deadline. Since I will have very limited opportunity to talk with my friend and for sure will not be able to see him for at least 6 weeks- likely longer, so I will have a chance to put some things down on paper. I really need to look at where I want to be in 5 years and what makes me genuinely happy. I am not a youngster. I know how I function best. I know what things upset me and what makes me content. I will try and make a plan and then take the steps to make those changes.

Stay tuned if you're at all interested in what develops. I know I'm interested in seeing how this ends. . . .

What is Your WISH this Christmas?

Every year parents ask their kids to give them a little help- by writing a Christmas list to Santa. When was the last time YOU put a wish-list together?

Lists like these are helpful any time of year and they always help you put your priorities in order. Of course, Christmas is a special time where hope seems to be in abundance. So, what are you wishing for???

What do you need?

What might be cool?

What will make you more HAPPY?

If you were dreaming really big- what is top of the list?

I wish for continued good health. I wish for enough money to get my dental visits in order. I wish for bi-weekly massages for my mental health. I wish my eyes were better- but will get them checked to see just how bad they are!!

I wish my whole family will be able to spend a leaisurely Christmas season together- just hanging out, going skating or tabogganing, eating great food, and enjoying one anothers' company. Each year passes faster and faster and time together seems few and far between.

I wish to get my finances in order to relieve stress and to start towards the process of improving my credit rating and eventually buying a small, quaint house of my own.

I wish for a couple more good friends. Everyone can use more. I would loveto find one or two more people who genuinely like me, want to spend time with me, will accept me including my flaws, my limits and my insecurities. I want someone to go to the movies with, someone to hang out on the beach with, someone to call me and ask how I am, how my day went and what I'm dreaming of.

I want a boyfriend too. Someone who is smart, witty, who likes to cuddle and be physical- not just in a sexual way, but in a genuine loving way. Someone to just hold hands with, someone to dance with, someone to lean my head on when we watch tv at home. I want someone to LOVE me- for me. I want a lot I guess.

I wish time would slow down just a bit- not time while I'm at work- but time when I'm away from work. Work is fine- don't get me wrong, but time away is real life. I want time to bake, time to draw more, time to creat a book of great photos, time to improve my singing voice again, time to travel, well- you get the idea. . .

I will add to this list over the next few days- but think- REALLY THINK about what you would wish for-

NEED- What Children Need . . . and it's not more "things"!

The following is taken from a Kellogg's commercial from 1998. The message here is easy to forget- Parents often don't want their kids to make mistakes, feel any pain, ever fail etc. BUT all of these things are necessary for them to grow up and be responsible, upstanding people who can handle adversity and real life!

We, the children NEED . . . .

encouragement - on the ball field, on the way to school, when we make a mistake . . .

to laugh - at funny things, at ourselves, but not so much at others

inspiration - so we aim high!

to be read to -

self-esteem - but like respect, we need to earn it- false self-esteem is useless

love and security- unconditionally

adventure - learning to manage potential risk is important-

disappointment- then we learn to appreciate good times even more!

friendship- in all its forms and from all generations

to make mistakes - let's just not dwell on them

to ask questions

to win - and be humble when we do- and also congratulate others when they do . . .

to lose/ fail

to be hugged (daily is preferable)

families, friends and even foes

heroes- BIG, BIG heroes, but also everyday heroes

nourishment- for our bodies and our souls!

Some Interesting Facts- On the Human Body

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
-You use 200 muscles to take one step.
-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born
-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

Some SMART Philosophies and Rules To Live By- taken from Barbara Colorosso

6 Critical Life Messages:

1. I BELIEVE in You

2. I TRUST in You

3. I KNOW You can handle Life's Situations

4. You are Listened to

5. You are Cared for [Loved!]

6. You are Very Important to Me/Us

2 Basic Philosophical Points:

1. You are Worth It!

2. I will not treat a person in a way that I would not want to be treated.

3 Messages that Help Foster Self-Esteem

1. I LIKE myself

2. I can THINK for myself

3. There is No Problem so great, it can't be solved!

AND, one of the BEST things I have seen written on being ACCOUNTABLE for oneself!!! . . .

"I understand and realize that I am responsible for what I do and believe in and that I am capable of changing my situation IF I so decide"

Possible BIG new CHANGE in the US??

It sounds like there are some interesting things being proposed in the US. Check out the quote below-

104 of the U.S. military's retired generals and admirals have called for repeal of the nation's discriminatory "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a document released Monday.

Says the document: "We – the undersigned -- respectfully call for the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Those of us endorsing this letter have dedicated our lives to defending the rights of our citizens to believe whatever they wish. Scholarly data shows there are approximately one million gay and lesbian veterans in the United States today as well as 65,000 gays and lesbians currently serving in our armed forces. They have served our nation honorably. We support the recent comments of former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, General John Shalikashvili, who has concluded that repealing the "don't ask, don't tell" policy would not harm and would indeed help our armed forces. As is the case with Great Britain, Israel, and other nations that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly, our service members are professionals who are able to work together effectively despite differences in race, gender, religion, and sexuality. Such collaboration reflects the strength and the best traditions of our democracy."

What a thought- giving homosexuals the credit that they can play well with others. I am glad to see that there are some Americans who see this is an important issue. Maybe there is hope after all of eventually getting true equlality- it would be a great and long overdue change.

My GRATEFUL List . . .

I have decided to do a list, once every couple of weeks, to outline the things I am grateful for in my life. I think it is important to look closely- not at what things need work- but at what IS working well in life. I have many reasons to be grateful, and the list below is just the beginning of what should be a number of posts on the subject.

Here goes . . . . .

I am grateful to be in good health. I am 41- have few aches and pains - have no known allergies or illnesses - may not be the most fit person around, but live day to day without any real pain. I am grateful to wake up almost every morning after a good night's sleep. I am grateful that other than the odd cold or flu, my health is good.

I am grateful for a family that is very close. I have taken for granted how lucky I really am. I have a family that is close in proximity and in terms of spending time together. My family all live within 30 minutes or so from me. They have been there to support me in times of need and are always supportive and can be great cheerleaders too when needed. It is great to be able to spend time just being with all of them. A close family is something many people do not have and many more wish for all the time.

I have often said that I would rather have one really good friend, than . . . . Well, unconventional as it may be, I do have a friend who amazes me on a regular basis. I am lucky enough to have a friend who accepts me for who I am. I have a friend who I can trust with anything. I would do anything for this friend and he means the world to me. We can talk about anything and everything, but also can sit in silence and just enjoy each other's company. Being together just feels right. I care for this person more than he may ever know. I would do anything for him and am very grateful for everything we have been through so far. I can only hope this will continue to be the case. Friends are angels in disguise.

I am grateful to have a place to live. It may only be an apartment, but it is way more than many people in the world have. I have a place to lay my head at night. I have hot water, a place to cook, I have THINGS, too many things likely, but things that make me happy. I have a place to relax, a place to work, watch movies, be with friends and be myself. I have a roof over my head and for that I am grateful.

I am grateful that one of my athletes did not get seriously hurt the other night. This athlete, who is extremely talented, was injured doing something he is very capable of doing. Simple mistake and it could have been a major injury. Luckily he has some bruising and some pain, muscular strains but nothing life-changing. I am very grateful that someone was looking out for this young man the other day.

To Be Continued . . . .

Beauty- In the Eye of the Beholder-

Beauty is Everywhere!

SSSSShhhhhhhhhhh- It's a bit of a secret- Beauty is everywhere BUT you do need to look closely sometime to find it.

How Do You Help?

"Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty"

A random act of kindness is a purportedly selfless act performed by a person or persons wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual or in some cases even an animal. There will generally be no reason other than to make people smile, or be happier. Either spontaneous or planned in advance, random acts of kindness are encouraged by various communities. An oft-cited example of a random act of kindness is, when paying the toll at a toll booth on a highway, to pay the toll for the vehicle behind you as well.

Here are just some ideas that you can use to "Practice Random Acts of Kindness"

Buy a meal for a young couple or family sitting next to you at a restaurant. Leave the Kindness card with the waitress to give them after you leave. It is a nice surprise they will never forget. It may even make them consider the mortality of their own children and lessen what time they may take for granted.
Partake in a Christmas Angel Program. Leave the card so they know your motivation of love!
Buy shoes or clothes for a family in need.
Bake cookies for a neighbor or teacher, just because.
Help an elderly person with yard work or grocery shopping. Many elderly people have a story or two to tell about their own baby that died many years ago.
Visit a nursing home and bring cupcakes. Sit and visit with a few of the residents. You'd be amazed at the loving reception you will receive as many residents rarely receive visitors.
Sign up to participate in a program such as Feed the Children. Your Kindness card will tell them the story of why you are doing this.
Donate to your favorite nonprofit group on your child's birthday or death day. Ask family members and friends to do the same.
Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter or a crisis nursery.
Buy a new calendar for a workmate.
Donate some grief books to the library or a local support group.
Leave an extra large tip for your food server!
Buy the meal for the person behind you at the fast food drive through.
Leave a bouquet of flowers on someone’s front door step.
Bake goodies and take them to the police station, fire station, or hospital.
Pay a local teen to mow an elderly neighbor’s yard.
Crochet a baby’s blanket and take it to the hospital nursery. Premature babies can always use tiny booties and caps.
Buy a balloon bouquet and ask the nurses the children’s hospital to deliver them to a child.
Make a memorial donation to honor your loved one and a friend’s loved one.
Take a box of doughnuts to an elementary school for a classroom.
Plug someone’s parking meter.
Go to the post office in mid December and ask for of the “letters to Santa” that they get every year. Buy and send the gift on Christmas.
Adopt a street or just pick up litter in the neighborhood.
Leave your change in the soda machine for the next person. It's a nice surprise.
Buy coffee for the person standing behind you in line.
Write to management at places where you get especially good service and commend them (specify names!)
Tape a quarter to a pay phone with a note welcoming anyone who needs it to use it.
Adopt a family through a social service agency, not just at Christmas. People go hungry all year.
Plant a tree or some flowers for a local church. Perhaps offer to “build” a Memorial Garden.
Volunteer at a local shelter, crisis nursery or soup kitchen. This will give more to you than you can imagine.
Volunteer to read to children at your nearest library.
Send your child a note in his lunchbox. Remind them how special they are to you.
Organize a large toy, clothing and diaper drive for a crisis nursery.
Pay for a small child's candy at a convenient store.
Pay for someone's toll and/or gas.
Look for opportunities to open the door for someone or give up your seat for someone.
Buy lunch for the couple or family sitting next to you as you pay your own. Be sure to be secretive!
Buy a toy for a child in the store and ask the clerk to deliver it after you’ve gone.

It is important to do these acts "anonymously". You will not need recognition to feel good about what you've done. You will know in your heart that you've done something special to make someone else's life better.